Ask a (S)expert: "How Do I Get and Stay 'Wet' During Sex?”
Welcome to our new series led by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.
Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“Hi, I have had so many problems when it comes to orgasming. I truly don’t think I’ve ever c-m. Playing with myself or during sex. I have a couple of disorders and medication that contribute to dryness. So my anxiety in the bedroom is high. Thinking of my dryness, whether I will ever cum, and if my partners notices how dry I am. I haven’t had complaints only compliments but it’s frustrating. Any advice?”
Hey bae! In the past few weeks we’ve received tons of questions about “wetness,” from an inability to get wet to randomly drying up in the middle of sex — so know that you’re not alone. There are a few things that can cause this so let’s dive right in!
Causes of vaginal dryness:
Vaginal dryness refers to vaginal tissue that is not lubricated and therefore deemed unhealthy. This can be caused by a lack of arousal, hormonal changes, childbirth, aging, stress or medication usage. Medication usage such as antidepressants is known for disrupting lubrication, as well. It’s also common to feel less wet if you’re enjoying long sexual intercourse, or what we call marathon sex. If you’re on medication or feel the issue is deeper than super long sex, it’s worth consulting a doctor.
If any of the above applies, here are some solutions.
Solutions:
Incorporate more foreplay
You may need more stimulation before diving into penetration or any other style of pleasure. Whether you enjoy the art of fingering or like to go as deep as double penetration, you and your partner(s) should spend time exploring each other’s bodies. If you’re feeling creative, explore our guide on erogenous zones for lovers of all identities.
Use lube
We say, “lube is your bestie” for a reason. A benefit of sex culture’s current evolution is that the gworls aren’t afraid to discuss using lube. Whereas the discussion of lube once meant you didn’t have a “gorilla grip 3000,” it’s simply just a choice now – as it should have always been. Remember this when you introduce lube into the bedroom.
It’s also important to know which type of lube to use. Oil-based lubes should never be used with sex toys as they will slowly disintegrate them. Water-based lube is the safest option for all styles of sexual exploration. You can reapply lube as much as needed.
Hyaluronic Acid products
If you’re a beauty girlie, you know the power of hyaluronic acid. In the case of vaginal dryness and aging it’s also a helpful element. Hyaluronic Acid aids in water retention and hydration. Thankfully, the sex industry caught on and now offers condoms and other products like vaginal moisturizers that feature the component which creates a moist p-ssy and supports vaginal comfort during sex.
(S)ex positions and tricks
Depending on how adventurous you like your sex, there’s one moment that makes all the difference: switching positions. In between positions, lick or spit on your four fingers and self-stimulate — rub your clit or stroke yourself — to add lubrication and keep yourself aroused. Another trick is to incorporate oral sex in between positions for the same effect.
Performance Anxiety:
As for your anxiety, this can be due to internal stress of not being wet enough or what your partner may think. Considering the number of stigmas that surround sex, this makes sense. It’s worth opening communication and letting them know what’s going on with you on a hormonal and arousal level so you can decrease your anxiety. It’s also worth seeking a sex therapist to help unpack your performance anxiety, as well as create a plan for managing your medication’s effects.
Happy f-cking bae!
For more (s)expert advice, here are 5 signs of a manipulative partner, as told by Jonah Hill.
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